Feb. 24 Reflection: Be Found By God
Dear Holy Covenant Community,
A week into Lent, I already find myself struggling to keep the covenants I made with God. The early resolve that marked the beginning days is giving way to temptation and frustration. It felt self-righteous and smug to deny sweets on Saturday, but last night I was grumpy and wanted some chocolate to fill me up. On Thursday and Friday I rose early for my prayer practice, eager to dive into Scripture, but today I’m straining to fit the Psalms into a busy schedule.
How’s your Lent going?
It’s easy to feel guilty or not religious enough when we are tempted to waiver, or do waiver, during this season of spiritual practice. But as I was reflecting on our theme this year, Search Me, Know Me: Practicing Intimacy with God, and my own practices, I reencountered an old book that has become my friend. Henri Nouwen’s The Return of the Prodigal Son: A Story of Homecoming is a book I first read at 17, over 11 years ago. Each time I read it, in different stages of my life, the words speak fresh. I offer this excerpt from the book, in hopes that you will befriend the insights this Lent:
For most of my life I have struggled to find God, to know God, to love God. I have tried hard to follow the guidelines of the spiritual life-pray always, work for others, read the Scriptures-and to avoid the many temptations to dissipate myself. I have failed many times but always tried again, even when I was close to despair.
Now I wonder whether I have sufficiently realized that during all this time God has been trying to find me, to know me, and to love me. The question is not “How am I to find God?” but “How am I to let myself be found by God?” The question is not “How am I to know God?” but “How am I to let myself be known by God?” And, finally, the question is not “How am I to love God?” but “How am I to let myself be loved by God?” God is looking into the distance for me, trying to find me, and longing to bring me home.
As we practice intimacy with God, we can be assured that God desires intimacy with us. Lent is NOT a time to feel guilty; Lent is a time to open ourselves to God. So next time you are struggling with a practice or tempted to give in (or DO give in!), join me in stopping the self-criticism and asking yourself: How am I to let myself be found by God? How am I to let myself be known by God? How am I to let myself be loved by God?
For the remainder of Lent, let us practice intimacy, free of guilt and open to love.
See you Sunday and think about who you can bring with you to share the Lenten journey.
Grace and Peace,
Kate
