I Give Myself Away

by Vicky Nabors

from the song “I Give Myself Away,” By William McDowell

Chorus:
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me

Bridge:
My life is not my own
To you I belong
I give myself, I give myself to you

This song has been my testament this week. I’ve traveled a million miles over the course of this Lenten season; walking in the wilderness with Jesus has been amazing. And what’s even more amazing is how my exploring the underpinnings of my colorful language has systematically resulted in a spiritual breakthrough. “Search me, Know me; Practicing intimacy with God.” I’ve never been so openly intimate with my personal life as I have in this blog. I have no regrets.

I also see how the focus of my blog has been more intense than some of the others. Well…good! I’m sure someone has been able to relate to my position of standing on the outside looking in. Someone has had all these pent-up emotions of injustice and fear weighing them down, and wished desperately that God have mercy on them. I’ve prayed that prayer for years while standing in the distance watching everyone else live. I didn’t understand what I was doing wrong, I’d done everything that society and my family expected of me (except be heterosexual – LOL). So I should have achieved my goals at this point in my life. Instead, I’ve slowly isolated myself because being alone doesn’t hurt; but it’s quite lonely – especially as an empty nester.

Thanks to the persistence of the Communications Committee and Pastor Kate, I agreed to take on this Lent journey openly. I’ve shared my most personal thoughts as related to my daily prayers, journaling, meditations, and reflections. And God has revealed my core foundation of fear; resulting from all of my unfortunate experiences that center on rejection. Unbelievable! I thought I was so confident and fearless, because everyone said I was. “#@%T!” I hate it when I think I know something about myself, and then discover that I really don’t. Fuel for colorful language.

Oh Lord, “I give myself away, so You can use me. My life is not my own, to you I belong …”

Father I pray you wrap me in your arms as I step forward out of isolation and into life.
Amen.

Listen to this song here.

Tags: Vicky

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 18th, 2010 at 6:00 am and is filed under Lent Devotional. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.