Is This the Wilderness?
by Andrew Schumacher
So here I am four weeks into my Lenten journey of fasting, and I might be a little bit lost on the road. Let me explain. I’ve been carrying out my weekly Wednesday plan (fasting, extra prayer, extra Bible, extra time devoted to God), but it ocurred to me this week that after the newness of the first couple weeks has worn off, I increasingly find myself wondering what I’m supposed to be focusing on, or not focusing on, as a part of my fasting discipline. The only thing I for sure know is what Jesus has to say about it in the Bible. I paraphrase here:
When you fast, don’t go around looking all sullen with “I’m miserable and fasting” written across your forehead. Instead, wash your face, comb your hair, and go about looking to other folks like it’s any other normal day. And if you fast in this way, God will reward you.
Ok, check. I think I’ve done a decent job with this part. I think I understand Jesus’ words: fasting is between me and God (and anyone who reads this blog), and outward appearances of suffering etc do not belong as part of this discipline.
But beyond that, I’m a little bit in the dark. I guess I could have done some research before setting out on this journey (and I did do a very little bit), but I guess I was more focused on just seeing where the Spirit took me, versus having some sort of agenda.
When fasting, am I supposed to think about food? Not supposed to think about food? Am I to ponder the fact that my not eating for 24 hours is nothing compared to folks who are chronically hungry? Questions like these have been popping up throughout Lent. Maybe you’re thinking, “Andrew, you should have figured some of this out before deciding to fast.” But I’m not so sure there are pre-packaged answers to these questions. In reading others’ blog posts and in listening to sermons on Sundays, I keep hearing the word wilderness. Well, maybe this is my wilderness. A little lost. A little confused. Wondering where this journey is really leading to.
I think I need to get more comfortable “living into” the whole wilderness idea. You see, I like things to be nice and neat. Sure, I like to think I make room for the Spirit to move, but the room I’m allowing is probably the size of a shoe box when God wants it to be an expansive concert hall.
But one thing I do know is that God is present in all of this. My wilderness is not so much feeling alone in the middle of nowhere. Here’s how I imagine it: I’m out there in the barren field, but God is sitting not far from me on a tree stump or something. I have all these questions running through my head and don’t always know what I’m doing with this fasting thing. And God smiles a little, kind of amused. God doesn’t say much. But God is definitely there. And come to think of it, that’s enough for me.
Tags: Andrew
