Manna
by Rob Rawls
The wilderness of Lent is starting to get to me.
In this blog, I have talked about my Lenten practice of intentional eating–a practice that I have succeeded at in some ways and failed miserably at in many other ways. I have talked about my efforts to eat natural foods, eat an ethical diet, and focus in on the blessings that God gives us through food.
Not eating meat or drinking Cokes has not been my wilderness, though. In fact, in some ways, it has been my lifeline.
Over the past few weeks, I have struggled with what I actually believed and what that belief means for the ways I live out my life. Easy and vague statement. What I mean is that I have examined what I believe about many of the doctrines that we hold on to as Christians. Virgin birth. Healings and miracles. The road to the cross and the empty tomb. I have allowed myself to open these doctrines up for critical and historical analysis.
I have doubted in ways that I haven’t doubted since the rebelliousness of adolescence or the initial pain of coming out of the closet.
As children, we take the stories of the Bible very seriously. The Red Sea was parted. Jonah got swallowed by a whale. Daniel survived the lion’s den. As we get older, our beliefs and views of the stories change. We accept some of the stories as literal and others as metaphorical and we live in the tension. In fact, that tension becomes a very easy place to live.
Since returning to faith a few years ago, I have lived in that tension. The thing is, though, I have allowed my faith to become limited in so many ways in order to stay in that tension. I have kept blinders on and ear plugs in so that I could live in a safe Christianity.
In the wilderness of Lent, God has reminded me that Christianity isn’t safe. God has reminded me that I am not called to worship a collection of stories or a set of creeds. I am called to worship a living and loving and powerful God who was incarnate in the life, death, and new life of Jesus.
After they escaped Egypt, the Israelites complained to Moses about the miserable conditions of the wilderness.
“Why didn’t God let us die in comfort in Egypt where we had lamb stew and all the bread we could eat?” (Exodus 16:3 MSG)
So God gave them manna. Bread from heaven. Sustenance enough for everyone.
They still complained. “Why can’t we have meat? We ate fish in Egypt–and got it free!–to say nothing of the cucumbers and melons, the leeks and onions and garlic. But nothing tastes good out here; all we get is manna, manna, manna.” (Numbers 11: 4-6 MSG)
We think of manna as this amazing thing–a delicacy to be savored. Manna wasn’t meat. It wasn’t fresh and crisp like cucumbers or melons. It wasn’t bursting in rich flavors like garlic or onions. Manna was sustenance that got you through the wilderness.
God has used my practice (and at times, my lack of practice) of intentional eating to be my manna these past few weeks. No matter how much I have doubted, I have stayed conscious of this commitment. Even when I haven’t had the faith to pray, I have had the faith to avoid eating meat.
I didn’t know this when I started on Ash Wednesday, but intentional eating has not been about absolution or repentance or even a great connection to God. It has been about God giving me what I needed to make it through…
Tags: Rob
