Week Two Reflections
by Vicky Nabors
This is my first time ever actively participating in the Lenten season tradition, and it has been a deeply rewarding and humbling experience. Walking in the wilderness with Jesus, and aligning myself to his experiences during those 40 days and 40 nights, are strengthening my resolve. It seems like the most difficult part of my journey occurred over the first two weeks. Not to say that I won’t be challenged going forward, because I’ve only begun to tap into the source of my colorful language. And, I’m happy today that the intense meltdowns that became a part of my days at the start of my Lenten journey have waned. I was getting on my own nerves with all that bawling. No kidding! Now, I anxiously move on to all the tomorrows of this wonderful season. I love anything that results in my positive growth, as I’m a student of life. I can actually feel it already; I think I’m a bit taller. 
So I was having a little chat with God the other day. And during this chat, I was keenly aware of all the invisible wounds on my body and in my soul; so I asked Him, “Why?” Well, let’s just say His response was, “Why not!” So many clichés can be used here like: “Those things that don’t kill you will only make your stronger!” Or, “No pain, no gain!” Blah blah blah. I will refrain from the use of clichés, because the answer really doesn’t matter. I’ve concluded that it’s not for me to understand the many aspects of my pain at this point in my life; only to believe and have hope. It’s easier that way. My favorite book supports that sentiment with this statement, “Whatever has happened to you has already happened. The important question is … what now?” (Wherever You Go There You Are by Jon Kabut-Zinn). The “what now,” part of this statement centers on release and focusing on today.
Forgiveness for me was always a given. It was a practice I learned as a child from my mom. She always said I’d feel better if I forgave other kids for doing bad stuff to me; so I did, and she was right! As a result, I’ve forgiven many offenders over the course of my life, learned from those events, and moved on. What I never thought about was actively giving the pain from those events to my Father in Heaven, in addition to giving forgiveness to others. It makes lots of sense when I think about it now. In the past, whenever I forgave a person for some injustice, I experienced immediate spiritual and emotional gratification. But over time, the pain of that injustice would come back and haunt me. What I understand today, is that to be totally liberated of emotional pains, one must first forgive, and then give the resulting pain to the Holy Creator. It’s a two-part process. Awareness with knowledge is a beautiful thing.
I’m sure my blog from last week generated a variety of emotions in you, the reader. Well, it is my unfortunate story. Know that the purpose of my sharing was not to generate sympathy, place blame, or discontent. I shared because it’s a story about hidden pain, and the effects of that pain on the direction of one’s life. Unfortunately, too many of us can identify with this debilitating state of being; hidden pain. Pastor Kate talks about this subject quite often. Your story may be family dysfunction or frustrations, not fitting in, health struggles, rejection, etc. Whatever the case, the effects of hidden pain will always have a negative impact our happiness.
So, as I traveled through week two of Lent, I was forced to face my hidden pains head on. I’ve learned a lot about myself that I was unaware of. The most powerful awareness of self was discovering that I’ve been viewing the world through my anger and pain born in the 1960s. I thought I was looking at the world as it is; but I was not. This coming week, my goal is to remove those lenses…frightening. Overall, this Lenten journey is feeling like freedom.
Tags: Vicky
